Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up under a house in Key West
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