I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
