what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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