Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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