The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize