You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
