I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We got so high we made milksteak
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How does one acquire holy water?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
