i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
