Porn is love you can see.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
