He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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