Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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