never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
