There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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