Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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