She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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