I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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