i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
