He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
