in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She's the barista slut.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
