i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
