remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
