can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
