when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you win again, gameday.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
