dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
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OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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