my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
as a side note pls kill me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
