it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
