Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
