Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
