I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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