Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
