My underwear smells like fireworks.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i believe in u and ur pee
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
