she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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