So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
