wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
