My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
