Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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