Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
