There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
