sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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