ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Houston, we have a squirter
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
