i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
