i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
