he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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