who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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