I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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