I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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