party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
