i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
