he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
