Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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