There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
