Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
