It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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