You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
