so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
