i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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