There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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