Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
