She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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