is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
