Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
