So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
