aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
