I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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