ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
