Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
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The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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