i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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