I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
