do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
